By Ann Marie Buck

Reflect for a moment upon something unpleasant actually happening vs. the prospect of that action possibly happening.

Fear of the future is when we take the precious moment we have right now and deep six it to take up a worry about a future something that may never actually occur! Lose the beautiful moment we actually have to fear of a terrible future our mind has created.

Contrast practical planning for the future with the less practical fear of the future.

Practical planning is rooted in honesty, truth, and reality. It looks reality straight in the face and simply responds with whatever is called for. It is not rushed or harried but cool, calm, and collected. There may be a touch of fear but the certainty of doing the right thing is stronger.

The more destructive fear of the future is highly emotional, full of fantasy, and worst case scenarios. It instills fear, distress, and may prompt excessive emotion or behaviors. You may find you are treating yourself or loved ones poorly (fighting, self criticism, moodiness). It may activate addictions (food, alcohol, TV, shopping).  It may give you a stomachache, headache or backache…pick your particular ache!

What to do?

The first step is awareness. Once you catch yourself, ask these questions:

• Is this distressing thing really happening or is it something I fear might happen?
• Does it prompt me to a path of clear rational action?
• Or, is it paralyzing me with fear or tossing me into irrational behavior?
• Is it just as possible other, less terrible things could happen?

If the thought is not bringing peace, see if you can close your eyes, take a slow and deep breath and let the distressing thought float away. If the distressing thought can be let go, how does that feel?  How would life be if you were no longer able to even think that distressing thought?

It may take a while to retrain the mind to let go of some of our favorite scary stories but it can be done with a little, well for some of us, a lot of practice. So, take time to practice appreciation of the real present moment and see if the future is better left right where it is. 

By Ann Marie Buck

I am reading the book, Yes, You Can!!! Go beyond Physical Adversity and Live Life to the Fullest by Janice Dietz, Ph.D. After being diagnosed with MS and having to make many major life adjustments, Janice wrote this very inspiring book. I got the book from the MSAA Lending Library. Did you know MSAA has a lending library?  It is free and full of wonderful books!

Anyway, here is one of my favorite quotes from Janice Dietz:

“Everyone is entitled to a full life.

  Even if getting there takes some extra effort.

  Even if getting there takes a long time.

  Even if getting there requires skills you never knew you possessed.

  Even if getting there means you have to work harder than you ever  have.

  It is worth it. It has always been worth it.”
                                                  - Janis Dietz

To access MSAA’s Lending Library please visit www.msassociation.org/lending_library.

By Ann Marie Buck

This coaching guidance is frequently offered when working with clients with multiple sclerosis (MS). It can be very helpful for individuals who are newly diagnosed as well as those who are experiencing an increase in symptoms.

To get a better idea of how to “be your best friend,” let’s try a little experiment:

First, make a list of the characteristics you value in a really good friend. Your list might include things like supportive, encouraging, honest, caring, sensitive, and attentive.

Second, listen in on your “self talk.” Like a ticker tape scrolling across the bottom of the TV screen, we all have a stream of thoughts passing through our mind. Catch a thought and give it some scrutiny. Is it critical? Supportive? Patient? Kind?

Third, how do the thoughts you are hearing match with the list of characteristics you admire in a good friend? Would these be the words you would offer to a long time beloved friend struggling with a situation similar to yours?

So the task becomes, finding what contemporary spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle refers to as the compassionate observer. Notice what you are thinking; ask yourself, what is on my ticker tape of thoughts? If what you notice is harsh or critical, or judgmental, invite yourself to soften the thoughts, think of what you would say to your best friend in a situation like this one. Try saying those things to yourself! Sincerely invite some compassion, kindness, and understanding into the situation.

Yes you may still have a problem to solve or a task to complete, but you’ll be more successful approaching your task with greater energy, creativity, and composure.

Get where you are going or do what you are doing with you as your best friend right there beside you! ALWAYS!

By Ann Marie Buck

Hi Again! Now that you know about life coaching, I thought I would share some of my background. As a licensed psychologist, I have worked in a variety of settings helping groups and individuals make life adjustments. I hold a Masters of Science degree in Group Process and Group Psychotherapy from Drexel University in Pennsylvania and have completed the Martha Beck Life Coach training program. As a Life Coach at MSAA, I think almost daily of my Aunt Catherine and how her MS presented many challenges. This, combined with my experience in the field, brings me to help individuals in the MS community pursue their passions, overcome adversity, and remove self-limiting beliefs thereby enhancing the opportunity for following a life path of joy and fulfillment.

Over the next months we will be announcing new telephone life coaching sessions and posting useful stories and tips on this blog. I hope you will find these sessions and my postings helpful. If you have any questions about this program please email me at: lifecoach@msassociation.org.

Tune in this week as we will be “blogging” about “Fear of the Future.”

By Ann Marie Buck

Welcome to MSAA’s Life Coaching Blog! I am Anne Marie Buck, MSAA’s Life Coach. Over the next couple of weeks I will be posting information on the Life Coaching Program and some “life lessons” that will hopefully provide some guidance.

To begin, I wanted to introduce what MSAA’s Life Coaching Program is all about. This innovative and dynamic program is based on the successful Duke University Center for Integrative Medicine’s Health Coaching Program. I will be working with you in coping with the challenges of living with multiple sclerosis (MS). Over the past month we have received direct input from more than 800 individuals diagnosed with MS about this program and the topics they would like to see highlighted. The Life Coaching Program will offer toll-free teleconferences to individuals throughout the USA. In these teleconferences, our group sessions will focus on a variety of topics such as:

• Finding joy, cultivating happiness
• Resilience (“how to keep going”)
• Employment issues
• Managing emotions
•  Big questions, “Why me, why now, what next?”

Currently, most of our first group sessions are already full, however we are still seeking participants for later groups. If you are interested, please visit support.msassociation.org/lifecoaching and complete the survey so that you will receive announcements about upcoming programs. In life coaching, you will participate in group telephone sessions, respond to questionnaires, and complete a variety of coaching exercises between sessions to develop skills and insights. Get ready to learn about yourself and new ways to meet life’s challenges through the support of peers and Life Coaching!